Apparently you make a good broom.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
