i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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