i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
