I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
