Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
