The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
