I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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