I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
