I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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