she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
