well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
