I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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