First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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