So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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