they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
