Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
