Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
