How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
