That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
