i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Boobs speak an international language.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
soo... how was my night?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
