batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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