It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
