I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
