just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
