i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
