we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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