I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
