Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
