so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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