I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
