so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
