Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
