saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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