I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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