He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
