it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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