it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
