It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
