Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
