I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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