The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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