you would pick up someone in the library
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
