I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
