Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
