Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
