rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
