My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
