We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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