I should be sponsored by Trojan
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
