You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
