***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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