bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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