there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
