Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
